Sunday, May 1, 2011

Here I Go.....

Well after spending a lot of time looking for an outlet or someone to express what I am going through this is where I am. Having seen several others who have made the decision to take control of their life and talked about this way I have decided to follow suit. What you read here is my story, it's not pretty and not something that I am really proud of. But if this goes as I hope, by the end of the journey I will be a better person.

I will be having surgery, lap-band, on May the 5th, 4 days from now. I am nervous, worried, anxious and feeling a lot of other things. This has been affecting my life and relationships since the day I made the commitment to do this.

I am worried about the changes I have to make. I know that I have to do this, I would like to live a long life and the path I was on was not getting me there.

Time for some honesty. I weighed 352 pounds on the 28th of February when I went to see the surgeon. I don't know if this was the heaviest I have ever been, but it is the documented heaviest. So that is my starting point. I have to face the reality of it. That made me morbidly obese. MORBIDLY OBESE. You would think those words alone would scare a person into doing something, but those words have been associated with me for many years and I never cared. I never saw myself as fat. I thought I was just a big guy. I would move up in clothing sizes and would chalk it up to getting older not fatter. Basically I was in a lot of denial about reality. I enjoyed life and all it offered. I ate to excess, made poor choices about what to eat and sat around a lot doing nothing that just added to the mess.

My wife would point out to me in various ways how I was becoming fatter and fatter and I just ignored it. For that I have to tell her I am sorry. She cared about me and tried to help me but I didn't listen. Self centered I guess is one way to look at it. Stupid is how I care to view it. So Liz, I am sorry for not listening and doing something sooner.

So I saw the surgeon and started towards this week's surgery. First steps were relatively easy. Classes with a dietician, meeting with a psychologist and taking a class that teaches you about the surgery and what to expect. It was after meeting with the dietician that reality set in. She told me about my pre and post-surgery diets. Man what a change. But at the time I thought I can handle this. It was after this though that I began to change. I realized that I was indeed fat,I realized that I had an addiction to food and I realized that I was afraid to change. But I didn't let people in on this, instead I became angry about it and that came out to others. Not a good thing obviously.

After meeting with the psychologist I learned that this was something that people on this path often face. It has taken me 45 years to get here and basically overnight I am changing everything. Still that doesn't excuse the anger I projected out towards people.

So now I am here, talking about my problem and sharing it with anyone who cares to look in. Mostly I hope that I can talk about this with others. Maybe I can get things out on here and then move out to talk about them with people in my world. Feel free to comment on anything I have to say. I welcome the feedback.

I will end each of these with some stats. SW (Starting Weight)  CW (Current Weight) GW (Goal Weight)

SW: 352  CW: 314.6  GW:220



  1. I am always here for you my friend and support any decision you make. I admire your courage for sharing this with me, as well as others. What ever you need, I will be there for you.


  2. I'm so very proud of you, my friend. You've started a journey that is self-revealing, and battled your demons and you're gonna come out better for it on the other side!

    You've got my full support in anything you decide to do moving forward to a positive resolution.

    You. Can. Do. This!!

  3. Good for you Bob. Change is the most difficult thing in our lives that we do. If you need to yell or cry or just talk you know I'm there for you.

  4. Bob, this is excellent news!! You are making a significant change. This is only the beginning of great things to come. Let me know when you need something, and I will here for you.